apiscesgirl

2003-02-10 : 6:34 a.m.
i feel so silly right now. and stupid. after all i went through last week, the weekend was totally fine. but i know that is because ryan was home. as it is, he left for a few hours on saturday and it wasn't long before i was calling to see when he'd be home, because i was starting to panic and couldn't handle things. i got really upset last night because he was leaving again this morning. :( and he did leave.. at 5am today. i have been up since 4:30. i think the only reason i didn't freak out when he left is because i was still half asleep then. :( but thats okay because i go to the doctor this morning. after how much i cried and was emotional last week, i feel dead inside right now. :( how am i even going to explain how i'm feeling when at this moment, i'm not feeling it???

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