What Cheryl Has To Say

apiscesgirl

2003-02-06 : 9:11 a.m.

it is amazing to me at how either the tears and weepiness or the anger and irritation are just right there under my skin, waiting to come out. i can be fine and then one little thing will just set me off, and i am either crying or holding in the loudest scream ever. whether its the kids being, KIDS, or me thinking about calling my dr... i have to press my lips together, the corners of my mouth turn down, and my eyes are full in seconds. i can NOT control it this week, which shows to me its getting worse. i researched a lot about post partum depression (PPD to be easy) yesterday and i definitely think this is what is happening to me. i didn't even realize it but i have been showing signs and symptoms since i was pregnant. there is a lot i didn't know. and i feel WEAK that i can't handle this. everyone thinks i am so great because oh i have 3 little kids and i take such great care of them, blah blah blah. i am supposed to be a superwoman ya know?! in all the other stories and experiences i read yesterday about PPD, a lot of the women said how they took their feelings out on their oldest children and i see myself doing that too. i know kyle doesn't understand because i used to not be this way. :( i am calling my doctor today to see what they say though. i NEED to get in there as soon as possible. i am also going to ask kyle's preschool teacher if she can recommend anyone to babysit. ryan told me to do this, or to ask anyone. he thinks i should have a day w/ NO kids. i can clean all day if i want or sleep all day. i think he's right. i feel better now that i think i know what is wrong w/ me, that it has a name and it isn't just ME, but it still doesn't help to control how i feel and how out of hand things seem.